Zh　の　日記

Even though the results might not be good, it is still my wish, and everyone's wish for u to be a Great SINGER next time! God has used you well with ur voice. Well, keep it up!

Anyway, went for felicia's singing competition - semi finals. Hmm.. the contestants were all very very good, some. Many of them have very good tone, voice line and gifted. Well, we all had a great time at the Hereens! Won 3 vouchers for heerens, which esther got to keep 2 of them!

Fel did pangsei as in the end, so we went over to Mos Burger Taka for dinner. Don't ask why we ended up there. Cuz everything closes at 10pm in Orchard T_T

Well.. all i can say is that "It has been an eventful sem 2 so far."

Lots of stuff happened. Made new friends in tutorial groups, learnt new stuff in many of my lectures - except Stats. Ya... haI~ Japanese I1 just ended a few weeks back.... I2 gonna start on wed evening 630pm. Gonan learn on short passages, and more grammar =) Sounds very fun!!

Hmm.... our bible studies group at clinton's has just started not long ago. Yesterday was my first session. But it has spoke to me ALOT. For one thing: Prayer as the basis of leading a Christian lifestyle. Have i been praying? nope... not alot.... havent really pray and talked to God for a long long time. Perhaps that is also why i couldnt do many other stuff which i ought to be doing... perhaps it's really because my r/s with God isnt deep enough. God, please draw me closer to you. At the same time, i do earnestly hope that my friends would be touched by the Love of God, and walk in the light =)

Having said so,... i also realised that in whatever we do, we act, we say... there must be a motivation behind it all. Be it in good intents, having altruistic motives, or just plainly a bothersome chore to be completed - there is just that motivation to do so. Can we say that an action has intrinsic value therefore i do it. Well... that question bugged me for quite long. But i do have a suggested answer to it now.  Actions or by doing something, it means NOTHING at ALL. It does not have intrinsic value to it. Thus, meaningless. Meaning of an action is associated. We determine the value of an action by associating it certain meaning in our brains, so thus encouraging ourselves to go for it because there is a purpose. Eg. Giving to old folks doesn't mean anything. It's just an action. But we associate it with being generous and kind to people who are needy. This gives meaning to the action, thus enabling us to feel satisfied when the action is done.

What's our meaning to life then?

Hmmm... perhaps it's the emo time of the year again.

After going through so much,... studying so hard.. working for so long... What is it that keeps me going? What am i doing with my life? What's that goal which i'm aiming for?!

Why do so many things, when in the end.. it feels worthless to do so.

God seems so far away for me nowadays. Sometimes i wonder.. whether not having a God would be better than having one... because without God, there's no need for accountability. Now with God, i have someone to be accountable, and at the same time... more worries, no help. Looking at my non-christian friends, it makes me wonder, why are they still as happy without God. And me being a christian, is far worse and less happy than them. I thought my life should be better?!

Well, i cant answer all those questions now. It's getting too emo.

Having a Heart that says - Yes; while the rational mind thinks otherwise.

No answers at all - Just letting time settle wash it away with the footprints on the sand. It's good leaving memories behind on sand, because these are too painful to remember. Let the tide wash it away. But for the happy moments, lets carve it onto a piece of stone and into our hearts.

I'm not sure why am i so emo when school starts. But this semester will be different. I'm no longer searching, i'm yearning.

Hmmm.... had caroling last night. It was a drizzly and wet Christmas Eve.

First started off at Golden Age Baptist Home - Sung songs, did activities and had an early dinner with our elderly folks. Wooot! I love the happy smiles on their faces...

The worship team also sung beautifully, glorifying God with their two amazing songs. Hmmm. then came the skit. I'm glad everything went fine.. Had a good laugh with Anthony - *She me shi shen dan~.......* Ooops.

2nd House was Uncle Jerry's and Auntie Connie's place. As usual, we sung, heard and had lots of fun with each other and with the guests of Uncle Jerry's. Well, it's their first time opening their house for caroling, so i'm glad they have agreed to it.

3rd Location was Uncle Simon and Auntie Carol's place. Hmmm.... i remember going to their house before. It's at the very secluded corner of chua chu kang! As usual... we sung... read, heard. LOL.. when it came to the worship team's performance - *laughter* Well.. we'll leave it as memories. Perhaps it's juz apt to say that they .. hmmm.. were really really tired.

4th and Last place was Uncle Gilbert's and Auntie Annie's . Their house isn't foreign to our church members. We love their place.. huge and able to accommodate all of us. We reached in the nick of time.. the long trip from the North to Tenah Merah almost led us to resort to counting down in the church van! Food there was fantastic. I LOVE TARTS. hahaa... ate alot alot alot.... and went home really late (which resulted in a scolding from my grandma at home)

This is Christmas for me.

Actual Christmas is a rather lonely one =0

An interesting question arose while i was with my aunties at the Mahjong Table.

Aunties, "When are you going to have a girlfriend?"

Zh, "Well.... i haven't got the green light for it yet."

Aunties, "I thought u have many from church? Are they all not your girlfriend?"

Zh, "hmm.. they are just church friends. So i get the green light to have one?"

Aunties, " So long as you can handle ur studies (sounds more like... PLEASE GET ONE QUICK)"

Zh, "ok... Green light it is.."

So what's your idea of Christmas?

It's a sad sad day. Went for some interview this morning. Thought i was really prepared for it - but i'm not. I don't even know what's the programme about.

Nothing much i can do though. It was quite bad, threw the chance away. I guess by God's grace, i was able to qualify for the interview. Heard a few didnt even have the chance for the interview.

Seems like i've to improve my oral english - Getting really bad. Have been using lots of colloquials.

Exams are round the corner. I've not prepared anything yet. Must work really hard now. Gonna put other stuff off my mind.... i guess i aint good enough afterall =)

Thank you God for loving me.

I love you =)